People oftentimes say things in the heat of the moment because of anger. Although I may not agree with this as a valid excuse I do understand it happens. But there is a significant difference between what is said in the heat of the moment and what you swear to in a written document submitted to a court.

Think about the things you say about others every day. I don’t mean the platitudes about how nice they are or how special they are, I mean what you REALLY say about others. Today your best friend might be an asshole and tomorrow they might be the light that brightens your path. Those words come and go depending on your mood. Everyone has moods. But to swear to something before a court that you know to be blatantly untrue? That takes a special kind of person; someone who must practice lies and deception so much that they have bought into their own hype. They think the false world they’ve created is, in fact, reality. Their memory of specific events or actions is incorruptible and unquestionable.

Today, as I do every day, I spent some time in self-reflection and meditation. It keeps me calm, focused, and at peace with those whom I might have encouraged confrontation previously. As I was sitting quietly reflecting on my day, a thought came to my mind: Righteousness gives life, Condemnation is death. I took that thought and asked how I could apply it to my life today. Here’s I came up with:

If you can sit for a full hour, 60 full minutes, without any distractions whatsoever, listen to what your mind is telling you. First off, if you can’t be still for an hour perhaps you have avoidance issues. You might be afraid of the truths screaming at you from your conscience. Perhaps by being constantly distracted you keep the demons at bay. Reading, listening to the radio, watching television; these all keep you from spending time with your own conscience. Perhaps you self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. Add in a social smoking habit and you set yourself up to be fully occupied and distracted from having to listen to any truth that might be trying to convict you.

When I talk about Righteousness, I don’t mean a holier-than-thou self-righteousness attitude. I simply mean being honest with yourself, with a character that exudes integrity. When you can speak with righteousness (integrity) about someone or something, you have credibility.

Condemnation, to me, is speaking ill of someone or looking for the worst in a person, situation or event. Berating, belittling, speaking ill of someone you do not know or situations you do not understand are all condemning in nature. Doing so, to me, clearly shows a lack of integrity. You might speak so poorly of another person that they sincerely ask for your forgiveness for some transgression they never recall but which must have happened because of your continued haranguing. Although you claim to forgive them and say you’ve “moved on”, in fact nothing they ever do will put them right in your eyes again. Ever. This, then, is another reason you can’t bear to be alone for an hour without distraction: you will be convicted and condemned by your own words.

One thing I have always tried to maintain is my integrity. Anyone, my wife, my kids, my friends; anyone who wants to know where I am just has to ask. I will not say I am going to work late only to duck out early to catch the ball game at the local bar. I am where I say I’m going to be. I don’t believe it’s healthy to deceive your family or your friends. It would be totally out of character for me to rack up a few thousand dollars of credit card bills and hide it from my spouse. I could not, for example, claim and over-state the cost of my child’s textbooks so I could increase the amount of my tax refund. I have a fundamental issue with lies and deception like this, especially when it comes to my family.

I had the opportunity this week to read a document wherein someone swore in a court document that someone had hidden a small fortune from their family. The same sworn document stated a few other blatant and obvious distortions to actual events it was sad to read. Why? Because I know the author of the document believes with all their heart the “facts” they presented were true. It’s not worth my time to try and correct the person’s memory. In time, sooner or later, their own conscience will convict them in their heart. They know, or at least they should know, that what they claim is true is so out of character for the other person it would be hard for anyone who knows them to believe the claimant.

So, I’ve said all of this to get to my challenge: I challenge each of you to sit for one full hour, distraction-free, by yourself, and just clear your mind. Don’t think about the work you have to do or the time you’re “wasting” by doing this exercise. Try it. Be purposeful and do it with intent.

What is your heart telling you about yourself? What lies or acts of deception have you committed for which you remain accountable and guilty? From whom should you seek forgiveness to correct your actions?

If you can be still and listen to your heart, you might learn a lot about yourself. Try it.