I had an interesting (if not lengthy) conversation recently. The subject: forgiveness. Please, don’t stop reading yet, this isn’t a sermon. I’d like to think of it as either two opposing viewpoints from the same side or an encapsulation of the differences different Christian philosophies take.

My friend, whom I shall refer to as “Alex”, was speaking to me this Sunday after already having consumed a fairly large amount of alcohol. We spoke of life, fate, destiny and a few other philosophically deep issues one only engages in on the road to being face-down drunk in the gutter. The conversation was going well until they hit upon two things which really grind my gears: I’m responsible for my own actions but no matter what, Jesus forgives me. Hold the ponies, please!

First off, I absolutely agree that every single one of us remains responsible for the consequence of our actions. I’ve blogged about this before. But to be clear, people tend to make decisions based on information, beliefs and anticipated consequences AT THE TIME of the decision. Take drunk driving, for example: Most people determine that the risk of being caught (not the risk of injury or death to oneself or someone else) is a huge factor in helping them decide if they should drive home “buzzed” or not. So they decide not to drive.

I am not a tea-toting, any-alcohol-is-evil, do-gooder. I enjoy beer, wine and hard alcohol at my discretion and very much with a self-prescribed limit. My friends know that no amount of taunting, teasing or threatening will get me to drink if I have chosen to abstain. I do not succumb to peer pressure and find those that do weak, lacking self discipline and cowardly. It’s that old line about, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for everything.” No means no, not, “ask me two more times and I’ll say yes.”

To me, the problem with alcohol remains with the person drinking. Going to a party, getting drunk, having sex and (worst case) getting pregnant or contracting an STD or (best case) having huge regrets for losing control, are not the fault of the alcohol. The alcohol didn’t get you pregnant. The alcohol didn’t make you lose your inhibitions; alcohol becomes the excuse, not the reason. YOU made the decision to drink, YOU made the decision not to stop when you’d clearly had enough, YOU remain responsible for the consequences of those actions.

After much debate, Alex and I agreed: alcohol in and of itself is neither good nor bad, virtuous nor evil, it just IS. How we interact with alcohol, our decisions and their consequences, are our responsibility. We cannot blame the alcohol.

Regardless, as it related to our conversation, Alex agreed that perhaps they had consumed too much alcohol as being “shit-faced” is not Alex’s normal condition. But then came the second part of the discussion. As far as Alex was concerned, it wasn’t cool to get drunk on Sunday but it was okay. Jesus understood that sometimes we all need to vent sometimes so Alex was already making plans to go to church either later that Sunday night or next Sunday. What?

I was reminded that Jesus said He would never leave us nor forsake us. Alex, as a Christian, had accepted Jesus into their life. As of that instant, I was told, nothing Alex did, no matter how sinful, arrogant or prideful, could be held against them on Judgement Day; Jesus had already forgiven Alex of everything Alex had done or would do. This is where the day got interesting.

I reminded Alex of the woman brought before Jesus who had been caught in an affair. Jesus agreed she should be put to death and offered that whoever was without sin should cast the first stone. When all of the woman’s accusers had left, Jesus forgave her and told her to sin no more. He didn’t tell her to meet him back at the temple next week so she could be forgiven again, nor did he give he a magic decoder ring that would absolve her of that same sin whenever she did it. No. He told her to go and sin no more. No more. Not, “give it a week or two”; no more.

So the argument ensued. On the one hand, Alex told me repeatedly that Jesus would always forgive any sin of any kind because, “He would never leave us.” I reminded Alex there remains a huge difference between being intentional and unintentional when it comes to sin. Two examples: Drinking and sex.

The Bible states not to be drunk. It doesn’t say not to drink. It doesn’t say beer is evil or whiskey is the drink of the devil. It says to not be drunk. Getting drunk any day of the week, Sunday included, is no worse than any other day. If you ask Jesus to forgive your drinking today (because it’s Sunday), will He? Yes, I’m sure. But I’m also sure God doesn’t want to hear you ask for forgiveness for the same thing over and over and over again if (and here’s the kicker) you’re not trying to help yourself out of that situation.

If you’re married and you have an affair, will God forgive you if you ask? Yes. Will he continue to forgive you when you engage in sexual activity with someone other than your spouse simply because you ask? I doubt it. The excuse of, “Well, we’re separated anyway” or “we’re in the process of getting divorced” cannot sit well with a God who, although certainly capable of forgiving you, should not have to forgive you every single time you chose to dishonor Him by not seeking help (though Jesus) for your situation.

For me, an intentional sin would be drinking to excess because you believe Jesus will forgive you. You believe Jesus will forgive you when you leave your lover’s bed to return home and feel little or no remorse for your actions. But not just once, over and over and over again. Unintentional sin would be more like the result of succumbing to temptation, negligence or ignorance. Drinking a beverage you did not know was spiked, for example. Or not realizing that Kahlua and milk is far more intoxicating that Coors Light. Or getting so caught up in the moment that before you knew it, you were both naked on the floor.

If an experience causes you to feel guilty about what you’ve done so much so that you do not wish to repeat the event, you will take God’s forgiveness and use it as a foundation from which you can build recovery. Shame will not be an issue because you have taken steps to acknowledge, confront and remove the guilt you felt that created an obstacle to your relationship with God. Your intent is to not repeat that action; to sin no more.

But if the event is a badge of honor (“Yeah, I slept with them” or “Dude, this one time I was so effed up”) or a ritual (“It’s Super Bowl Sunday, of course I’m getting drunk” or “It’s my birthday, of course I’m getting laid”) or an expectation (“He invited me to spend the weekend on his yacht, of course I’ll sleep with him” or “It’s guys night out, time to par-tay”), why even bother asking for forgiveness? You have no intention of changing your lifestyle, you just want to “cover your bases”.

Alex and I agreed to disagree. Alex maintains that Jesus will always and forever forgive you of sin if you ask simply because you asked. I maintain that Jesus will forgive you of sin if you ask but will certainly expect you to change your relationship to that sin such that you wish to be free of it, not continually repeat it. I left Alex with one of my favorite New Testament passages, Matthew 7:13-23. You’ll have to look that up yourself. It’ll be too much like a sermon if I repeat it here.

Your thoughts?